“That’s not fair!” – Tips for managing sibling jealousy during the holiday season

One of the most difficult aspects of parenting toddlers is knowing how to manage the behaviors they exhibit as they learn to communicate their feelings. For many parents, biting and hitting are at the top of that list. Read on for tips on what to do when your child bites or hits... Self-talk . Say to yourself, “I don’t like that they bit/hit and hurt someone else, but I can teach them other ways to express their feelings.” Empathy. Ask yourself, “Wouldn’t I have a hard time expressing myself when I’m mad or upset if I didn’t have the language to do that, or the ability to problem solve in non-aggressive ways? I know how my child feels!” Teach . Young children learn very early that their hands and teeth are powerful weapons that elicit an equally powerful reaction when used. However, this can cause lots of problems for you and your child. The key is to teach your child that biting and hitting hurt and there are other ways to express feelings without hurting others. Tell yourself, “I can teach my child how to respect others and use words to express feelings. I know it will take time and patience, but they can learn.” When your child bites or hits, provide a brief teaching statement, such as “No bite. Biting hurts” and give them a word or action within their skill abilities to replace the biting. For example, “You can say ‘no hug’ instead” or “you can walk away.” When you do this, you are teaching your child how his behavior affects others and what else they can do instead. Reinforce. Practice by setting your phone timer for 5 minutes (or longer or shorter, depending on how long you think your child can play with another child without your motivating praise) and say, “When you have played gently with Jack until the phone timer sounds, we can read your favorite book together. You are getting along so well.” Offering a reward as an incentive for self-control discourages conflict. Praise. When children (even siblings) are getting along, it’s important to praise their effort frequently. Simple statements, such as, “Good taking turns,” or “You are playing so nicely together,” reminds them of the goal of getting along vs. fighting. Teach compromise. When conflict arises, say, “Let’s find a way to let both of you play with that toy. I’ll use my phone timer to tell us when it’s your turn to play with it.” Your child can learn patience as they wait their turn, as well as problem solving and compromise—instead of biting or hitting. What not to do: Don’t hurt your child. Biting/hitting back and spanking are all behaviors you don’t want them to learn, so don’t use them. Don’t overreact. Getting upset when your child bites or hits keeps you from problem solving. Keep yourself calm by using calming self-talk. Say to yourself, “This is a problem we can solve. I just need to stay calm to do it.” Don’t threaten. Threatening your child creates fear but doesn’t teach the behavior you want. Instead, simply say, “Let’s work on ways you can get what you want without hurting someone.” Source: Behavior Checker from the Raised with Love and Limits Foundation

See below for some quick tips to make your instructions as powerful as possible!

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